I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
I love you meow and forever.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
"I make pour decisions."
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
My weekend is fully booked.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
I've been dying to go to Greece on vacation.
But all they serve is bar food.
She said, "Don't go bacon my heart."
I told her, "I couldn't if I fried."