Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
What’s the opposite of Easter?
Wester
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
A book fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf.
"Here for the right riesling."
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
I cannot espresso
how much you mean to me.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I was ready and wading!
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.