Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!
Kid: Spell who?
Dad: W... H... O...
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!