What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
All stereos are so typical.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
I love a joke about the eyes.
The cornea the better.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What do you call a chameleon that can't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.