Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
The artist shouldn't have taken that sculpture for granite, now it's stone-cold.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
I had never seen a horse that white. Perhaps, that is why it is called a mayo-neighs.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
Live to tell the tail.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Be careful this Easter
There is a lot of basket cases out there.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.