What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
You seem a little mer-mad.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot