Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."
"Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."
Lawyer: "Doctor, as a result of your examinations, would you say the woman was pregnant?"
Doctor: "Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination."
(Taken from an actual trial)
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
Did you hear the plum joke? A: It was pitiful.
Loving this road trip, but all this driving is tire-ing!
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
As it snow happens.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
"Some bunny loves you."
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
It’s time to say Versailles to France.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.