Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
You know what really bugs me?
Insect puns.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
Does anything come after April A?
May B!