Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
"Aloe you vera much."
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Why did the old woman fall into the well?
Because she couldn’t see that well.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.