What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
"Reti or not, here I come!"
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Are you a defibrillator? Because you are sending shocks to my heart.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
For his birthday, the snowman wants a cake with lots of icing on it.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.