What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
Time to celery-brate.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.