Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Fairies just spell trouble.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
A company from Israel took over the Greek national cheese factory in Greece
Now it's called the Cheeses of Nazareth.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
The team’s star basketball player decided to remain at home the entire weekend. He didn’t want to be called out for travelling.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
My weekend is fully booked.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.