Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Did you hear about the color bomb?
Yeah it blue up.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
You are the coffee to my espresso and I love you a latte.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What kind of person would sell someone a sham-rock?
A lepre-con!
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
Pirates Private Property.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.