What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
The scarecrow won an award because it had been excellent in its field.
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
Girls just wanna have sun.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Bowlers do not make good employees. This is because for 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.