Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
It's ice to meet you.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
Don't get tide down this summer. 'Tis the season for having fun.
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
Are you a 90 degree angle? Because this feels just right.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Long time no sea.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.