If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
I bought a boat because it was for sail.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I’m very frond of you.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
Green glass globes glow greenly.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
I dig you a hole lot.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.