Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
I was wondering about the color of the wind when it suddenly occurred to me that it blue.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
When I broke my brother's favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
You sleigh me.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
Putting on contacts without a mirror is hard
You just gotta eyeball it.