What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
An astronaut did a huge crime. He broke the law of gravity and hence, got a suspended sentence.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Sips getting real.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Quackers
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What's an inmates favorite fishing equipment? Jail bait.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.