What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
To the person who stole my glasses...
I will find you... I have good contacts!
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
She has high elf-esteem.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
Why was the parrot in prison? Because it was a jail-bird.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
I had my dad proof read an essay of mine back in High School. He said my grammar was a little funny.
Apparently I need to work on my pun-ctuation.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
Cutest clover in the patch.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.