Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
You don’t need to pay rent to live inside my heart.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?
It's tide.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
She'd changed.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans
He really is the king of pop
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Q: How does an artist fill in a CV?
A: He draws on experience.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.