What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
If you can think of a better fish pun than me
Then let minnow.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Why does nobody invite Jupiter to the space parties? Because he has too much gas, always…
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
Who’s your paddy?
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half man and half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine
That made him the centaur for disease control.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Where do spiders play football?
Webley Stadium.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.
Because it's made of hide.
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
May day.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.