Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
I cannoli be happy
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Did you know that fighting increases your risk of heart attack?
Because it's assault.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What’s the preacher’s favorite fall song? A-maize-ing Grace.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What do you call a Greek love song?
An Aphro-ditty.
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
Who needs luck? I have charm.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
I love when you coddle me.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
What's the problem with Father's day?
It always falls on Son-day
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
Why does nobody invite Jupiter to the space parties? Because he has too much gas, always…
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Did all Europeans give Native Americans smallpox on purpose?
Or is that a blanket statement?
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
Irish cuisine is stew-pendous.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.