Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
It was mitten in the stars.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Say it ain’t snow.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
I like you, you croc my world.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
"Some bunny loves you."
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
How do rabbits travel?
On hareplanes!
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
Keep calm and leprech-on.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"