The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
I hate to Gauguin, but I have to catch my flight.
The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Autumn is full of pumpkins, it is a gourd-geous time of the year.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?
They were Fascistanating.
Me and my friend were going to a costume party. He told me he was coming as a small island off the coast of Italy.
I said don’t be Sicily.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Whale, hello there.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.