What are stepfathers called in France?
Faux pas.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
Once I tried to paint the sky but I blue it.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
I only need a prescription for like half of my kitchen cabinets.
The rest are over the counter
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What does Cinderella usually wear at the beach?
Glass flippers!
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.