What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play
but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blond hair.
We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.
After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
I only have ice for you.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.
As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why was the parrot in prison? Because it was a jail-bird.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
There is one commonality between a magician and a soccer player. They both do hat tricks.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug – although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty-year-old thug thought of that morning.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!