Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Car puns are really tiring
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Birds too love cheering on their soccer teams. They egg them on.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made