Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
You're the ruler of my heart.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What vehicle does a grammar teacher drive?
A Syllabus.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
The boot black brought the black boot back.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What is writing in sand called?
Sandscript.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.