What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
What’s the biggest danger of building a snow dog?
Frostbite!
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.