Does anything come after April A?
May B!
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Long time no sea.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I love you meow and forever.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
How does Mr. Bean introduce himself in Spain?
Soy Bean.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
When the going gets tough, let the pins fall where they may.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.