One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Orange you excited for Halloween?
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
The artist shouldn't have taken that sculpture for granite, now it's stone-cold.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
I've been thinking of U periodically.
I'm not talking to my sister's spoiled daughters.
It's beniece me.
Why did the cheerleader add extra salt to her food in the summer?
She wanted to do summer-salts.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
I like you a latke!