What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
"Hey there, hop stuff."
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
Why did Italy surrender in WW2?
Because Italics aren't bold.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
The investigative journalist said that he would reveal all the in-cider information this fall.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
Hold on for deer life.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
If you want a loyal marriage, get hitched to a basketball player. He will never pass you, rather he will keep you all to himself.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
After all is sled and done.