What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
I’m stuck on you like igloo.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
What is a definition of art theft? The haul of frames.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What animal could Noah not trust?
Cheetah
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
You’re udder-ly perfect.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Where do aliens park their flying saucers?
At a parking meteor.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
Have you ever wondered why gulls are known as seagulls? It is because they are by the sea. Had they been by the bay, they would have been called bagels.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!