Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet? It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS.
I finally decided to sell my vacuum. It was just gathering dust.
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
Why do seals have trouble eating bread?
Because they're seal-iacs.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you call it when you brush off the winter snow for the last time?
A spring fling!
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one. So I told her,
"Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.