How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.