Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
The artist shouldn't have taken that sculpture for granite, now it's stone-cold.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Our love started with a Hershey’s Kiss.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.