A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Cutest clover in the patch.
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Two metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
Life without you would be un-bear-able.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
I love you from my head tomatoes.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!