Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.Then you can witness The Fall of Rome."
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.