As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
I told you snow.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
I'm opening up an old folk's home in Tijuana.
Señor Citizens.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
The Earth without 'art'...
....is 'EH'
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Say it ain’t snow.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?