What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
You can donate blood to me anytime since you’re just my type.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Two pebbles washed up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess
I told him, "Toucan play at that game."
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What do you think the boy star told the girl star? I really glow for you.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
I’m elf-taught.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.