Rock was magma before it was cool.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What did the arsonist do on Valentine's day?
He met his match.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest...
For I have synonymed.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Summer's over; it's time to chill.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.