What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
We make a great pear
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
Did you hear about the famous Spanish streaker?
Senor Willy.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
The book about Mount Everest had quite a cliff hanger.
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
"I'm so egg-cited for Easter."
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
Quasimodo would’ve been a great detective
He always had a good hunch.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.