Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch.
He could binomial.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
Q: How does an artist fill in a CV?
A: He draws on experience.
How does a quarter moon always feel?
Crestfallen.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!
Kid: Spell who?
Dad: W... H... O...
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!