The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
What do you call a chameleon that can't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
When Papa red wanted to have some toppings on his bread, he told Son red, "Pass me the crimson!"
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
Cutest clover in the patch.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
That’s a-may-zing!
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
I bought a boat because it was for sail.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.