Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Your good seed for the day.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
Why don't murderers often attend tea parties?
They prefer a casual tea.
Don't worry, bee happy!
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.