The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Did you hear about the watchmaker who is half Spanish and half Irish?
His name is Juan O'Clock.
Flying for long distances is very Boeing at times
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Fishing you a happy day.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
I feel tail great!
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Initially, the passenger couldn't find where his next flight was, but fortunately, he made the connection in time.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.
You snooze. You booze.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.