What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
"I'm so egg-cited for Easter."
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Talk literary to me.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
"What an egg-citing day."
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.