Irish cuisine is stew-pendous.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
I goat this.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
If it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
I like you a latte.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.