Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
Why should the Sun get into a school? To get brighter.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
One trick peony.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
Your shirt must be made out of husband material.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Military submarines are a deep navy blue in color.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What did the angry artist say? Don't get me arted!
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!