Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?
They were cantaloupe farmers.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
As it snow happens.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Where do you think the astronauts keep their sandwiches? In the launch-box.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
I’m not lion when I say you’re my mane.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but It’s tearable.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything?
Man: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You're allergic to burnt bread?!?
Man: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.