Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
It’s a winterful day!
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
You’re my soul Santa.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?