The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?
Play-toe.
Or was it Sock-rates?
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
The superconductor left without resistance.
I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.
We're currently filming the pilot.
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What distinction does OJ hold in jail? He's the first inmate with a retired number.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Skiing is believing!
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
"Read between the wines."
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
I tried to change my password to "14days".
The computer said it was two week.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Did you hear about the artist that has been drawing very small, colorful noodles?
He drew an itsy, bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow, polka dot linguini.
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.