When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What time do spacemen get up? Alien in the morning.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
We bee-long together.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What happens if you break the brain scanner?