Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
“Have your elf a merry little Christmas.”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Which city in France is the nicest?
Nice.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can't see them taking off.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
Werewolves love their fast food.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.