"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
That’s a-may-zing!
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
I asked my Italian grandfather if the rougher parts of Italy were called the spaghetto.
His look was pasty.
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
If practice makes perfect and perfect needs practice, I’m perfectly practiced and practically perfect.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.