What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
Why did the Easter Bunny have to leave school?
He was eggspelled.
Clean clams crammed in clean cans.
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What is red, white, and blue over winter break?
A sad candy cane.
He threw three free throws.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
I've been dying to go to Greece on vacation.
But all they serve is bar food.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What do you call a fashionable, but judgmental monster who howls at the moon?
A What Not To Wear-Wolf.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.