What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
"You make me egg-static."
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
A mother catches her 12-year-old son smoking in the backyard...
"Jimmy, I can't believe this! Smoking is terrible for you, and you're so young!" Jimmy replies, "Don't worry mom, I only smoke when I'm drunk."
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.
"Read between the wines."