I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
Treat yo'elf.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
Green glass globes glow greenly.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Took a flight, and my luggage got torn to pieces....
My lawyer said I don't have much of a case.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.