When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Pirates Private Property.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
You knead me in your loaf.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,
buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.