What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
This weekend is going to be LITerary.
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Wow, wouldn’t mind if you became my significant otter.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
You met all of my koala-fications
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
"Rosé all day."
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.