What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I “lub” you.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
Long thyme no see.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
You’re udder-ly perfect.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
You're one in a melon.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.