Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
"Eggs love you."
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Time to spruce things up.
What do you call a goat that acts immaturely?
A silly billy.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
What can you serve and never eat? A volleyball!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.