Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I was ready and wading!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
Long thyme no see.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Why people did not like the restaurant on? Because there was literally no atmosphere.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
The boot black brought the black boot back.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!