What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Irish cuisine is stew-pendous.
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
“I love you from head to mistletoe.”
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
I saw a squirrel running in circles in my yard today…
I think it lost its nuts.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Are you squiding me right now?
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds