I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
Brother: "My friend John is in Greece studying abroad."
My Dad: "What's her name?"
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Fairies just spell trouble.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess
I told him, "Toucan play at that game."
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Stay true to your shelf.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Which hot drinks space people like? Gravi-tea.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.