I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
I’m soy
into you.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What's Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O'Furniture.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
What did the painter say to the wall? Another crack like that and I'll have to plaster you!
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Talk literary to me.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
How do flowers kiss?
With their tulips
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
"Bugs and hisses."
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.