I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
I was going to joke about my broken pencil, but it was pointless.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee.
But no, I was charged $30 a pop.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!