Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
I have a spouse in a different nation.
The Imagination.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
My wife got mad at me for being lazy... It's not like I did something!
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Your love will always be up to par.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
A space fish is usually called starfish.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
They Apollogize
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!