What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.
That's just how I roll
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
I think you’re dandelion.
She sells seashells by the seashore.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why didn't the snowman go to the party?
He had snowone to go with!
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.