Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada?
Just aboot.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?
Many soles were lost.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
How does a quarter moon always feel?
Crestfallen.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!