Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
I'm the life of the paddy.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Better read than dead.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
You are the coffee to my espresso and I love you a latte.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
"I make pour decisions."
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What do zombies use to color their hair?
Dye of the dead!