When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars.
It was an auto body experience.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.