What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.Then you can witness The Fall of Rome."
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
If a dog chews shoes, whose shoes does he choose?
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
How do you know flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds!
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
I have bean
thinking about you.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"