Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
Cowboys don’t roll joints.
They tumble weed.
It’s worth a shot.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
A tree toad loved a she-toad,
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a three-toed tree toad,
But a two-toed toad was she.
The three-toed tree toad tried to win,
The two-toed she-toad's heart,
For the three-toed tree toad loved the ground,
That the two-toed tree toad trod.
But the three-toed tree toad tried in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower,
With her two-toed power,
The she-toad vetoed him.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!