Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
Please don’t joke about my eyeballs.
It’s a sensitive area.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.
It was grounds for dismissal.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
An astronaut did a huge crime. He broke the law of gravity and hence, got a suspended sentence.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!