What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
The best way to get back at someone is to push them in the snow; after all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university?
Hannibal Lecture.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
"I make pour decisions."
If you can think of a better fish pun than me
Then let minnow.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"