You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
*nurse flips on a light switch*
“The Doctor will see you now.”
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with an ice cube?
You end up with frost bite.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Why don't aliens get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.